I feel like I’m in a constant state of teaching a lesson to my children, especially Brighten. Just a few months shy of her fourth birthday, she is questioning everything from why she can’t eat ice cream for dinner to how could Jesus still be her friend if He died on the cross. I’m teaching, watching, disciplining, and teaching some more. There are some moments when this feels like an unachievable mission, and I wonder if there will ever be a day that I’m not constantly trying to teach my children.
Today I realized that the answer is, absolutely not. I learned that there will come a day when I’m no longer conscientiously teaching, but rather just living. When that day comes, I hope and pray that I live in a way that my children deem worth watching. I’m 31 years old, and today my parents taught me how to be a true friend.
My parents with their pup before we left to run errands today.
My dad is currently running for Superintendent of Schools in my home county in Florida and I’ve been working on the digital media-side of his campaign since January. We’ve made the trip to Florida a few times this year to visit, but also for me to do some work in person. This was one of those trips and today, my mom, dad, and I had to drive into Destin to do a little bit of work for the campaign and Jason and the kids were going to meet up with us for dinner a few hours later. We had a few errands to run within about a 2.5 hour window, but after our first stop, my dad got a text message. His friend had recently been sent home from the hospital with hospice care after battling cancer. The text that my dad received in the car today said that he wasn’t doing well, and my dad should to go and see him if he could.
After reading the message, my dad looked at my mom and me and said, “He’s not doing well, I think I need to go see him now.” Of course my mom and I agreed and we headed in the opposite direction of our errands to take my dad to see his friend.
Something that I’ve known about my dad for basically my whole life is that he’s the person you want around in hard moments, in chaos, or in crisis. He brings calm and order when things don’t feel peaceful or simple. As we pulled on to my dad’s friends’s street, I knew that my dad was exactly the person who needed to be there for such a hard day.
My mom and I dropped my dad off at his friend’s house and said we’d go pick up coffees or something to give him a little time with his friend. He said he wouldn’t be long and just wanted a chance to say goodbye. When we arrived back at the house about 15 minutes later, my dad walked out. I could tell as he walked toward the car that he was sad, and maybe even a little upset. When he opened the door to get in he said, “He’s gone. I was holding his hand, and he’s gone.” He was calm, but solemn.
I could see my mom’s tears running down her cheek, he was her friend too. And of course I couldn’t help but cry from seeing both of my parents so sad. My dad told us how peaceful it was and how his friend’s dad let him know it was okay to let go and go be with Jesus. I kept thinking about the sorrowful beauty of being ushered from his earthly father to his Heavenly Father. I could barely look at my own dad to think that he was there, sitting beside his friend, holding his hand as he took his last breath.
Truthfully, I feel like what I learned from my parents today is pretty self-explanatory, but I also know that sometimes it’s good to indulge in explanation.
Today I learned what true, selfless friendship looks like. I learned that it is possible to quietly put others’ needs before our own. I learned that sometimes it’s good to do things just because they’re the right thing to do; putting down our own plans or needs or wants for the sake of someone else. I learned that it’s good to do things because they matter, and they’re not for a story or self-praise. I saw a glimpse into the depths of a 36 year marriage and unwavering support from a spouse. I learned that friendship is being there for someone when they want you there, even in the hardest moments when it would be easier to say no or walk away.
My parents would probably never tell this story, at least not in the sense that I’m telling it. Today they were just living their life, and I simply had the opportunity to learn from the way they live. And I cannot ignore the fact that God allowed me to witness all of this today. I know it’s not an accident that I got to experience this alongside my parents today.
I didn’t know my dad’s friend, but I know that they were close. I know that this is a loss for my dad that hurts, and a friendship that will leave a void in his life for years and years to come.
As a mom myself, and also daughter, today I had the opportunity to watch and learn. I learned a lot, and I learned that my parents haven’t stopped teaching me yet. I hope they never do.
