Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6
This is a passage of scripture that is really really hard for me. I hate admitting that, but it's true.
Lately though, the Lord has been teaching me to depend on Him more. One of my biggest reoccurring sin problems is leaning on my own abilities. I'm a "can do" type of person. I like to stay busy, I'm task oriented, and I'm a dreamer. That formula basically equals out to the fact that I'm always looking for what I "can do" next.
Over the last few weeks a series of events led Jason and I to have this conversation in our kitchen last night:
Me: Let's just stop and pray about all of this.
Jason: What do you want me to pray for?
Me: I don't know, just that we can trust.
Jason: (prays) God has carried us this far, and it's been pretty easy. I think right now, He's brought us to a point where we have to decide, do we really trust Him completely.
Each morning, I try to read the bible before I leave for work. The last couple of weeks, I haven't done so great, but thankfully this morning I had time to. Also, a few months ago, I started intentionally not listening to music on my way to work until after I pray. Sometimes out of habit, I turn on music or the radio or something like that, but I really have come to love those few minutes that I get to spend with God before I walk into my office and begin the busy-ness of the day.
This morning on my drive to work, almost 12 hours after our conversation, I was able to answer the question that Jason asked last night. I do really trust Him. I trust God absolutely and completely. There is nothing and no one that I trust more. As I drove, I poured out my heart just confessing over and over that I do trust Him. I'm not good at relinquishing control, but I do trust in His sovereignty over my life.
I'm sure that I'll have many more days, instances, and circumstances where I forget to trust the Lord. I doubt it will ever be something that comes 100% naturally to me because, as I said before, I am a sinful person. But, I was reminded today how much freedom there is in trusting God completely.
Do you struggle with trusting God in your life? If so, know that He is sovereign, that He loves you, and His will is always what's best for us. May we not lean on our own understandings today, may be rely completely and wholly on Him.
